French's International Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies, and 
the United States) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors 



! No. 256 



: WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

PS 635 

.Z9 . B Qomcb^ in One Bet 

S547 I 

Copy 1 



G S. SHEPHARD 



Copyright, 1913, by Samuel French 



NOTICE.-The Professional acting rights of this play are reserved by 
the publisher, and permission for such performances must be ob- 
tained before performances are given. This notice does not apply 
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STRAND 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 



B ComeDg in ©ne Zlct 



BY 



G. S. SHEPHARD 



Copyright, 1913, by Samuel French 



Notice.— The Professional acting rights of this play are reserved by 
the publisher, and permission for such performances must be ob- 
tained before performances are given. This notice does not apply 
to amateurs, who may perform the play without permission. All 
unauthorized professional productions will be prosecuted to the 
full extent of the law. 



New York 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

publisher 

28-30 West 38th Street 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 



<9 J\ 



^'Co 



4^^ 



!U!,D 33969 



When Na Took Office. 



SCENE PLOT. 

Scene i : — Room in Mrs. Brown-Smith's resi- 
dence. Doors (practical) l. 2 e. and R. 3 e. 
Window (need not be practical) r. Large desk 
against wall down r. piled with letters, peti- 
tions, mail of all sorts. Swivel chair facing it. 
Small desk or table alongside of the other, un- 
der window R., also piled with mail of various 
sorts. Straight chair facing it. Table c. with 
chair at l. of it. Another chair up c. Rocking 
chair l. c. Straight chair down l. Telephone 
on wall up L. with directory hanging to hook. 

Time. — A week before Mrs. Brown-Smith takes 
office. 

Discovered at rise. — Mrs. Brown-Smith at desk 
down R. Mathilde at smaller desk; Jeanne at 
table c, busy with some millinery; Elizabeth 
answering telephone which rings at l. 

WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE. SCENE I. 

Elizabeth, (at telephone) Yes, this is Mrs. 
Brown-Smith's office. Yes. Yes. Just hold the 
line, please; Til see. (turns to Mrs. Brown- 

3 



4 WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

Smith) The Society for the Extension of Humor 
wants to know if you will make an address at their 
exercises on the i8th, Ma. It's their third an- 
niversary. 

Mrs. B.-S. {distractedly, fumbling over papers) 
The 1 8th? Wasn't there something for the iSth, 
Tillie? 

Mathilde. {picking up memorandum hook and 
turning pages) Eighteenth? No, you can't go. 
Ma. You're due at the C. C. & M. Club at 2: 30, 
and there's a Board Meeting after that, and job- 
chasers from 5 to 6, and banquet H. H. & H. 7 : 30. 
No, she can't go, Elizabeth. 

Mrs. B.-S. Tell them I'm very sorry, of course. 

Elizabeth, {at 'phone) Mrs; Brown- Smith is 
very sorry, but she finds that the 18th is completely 
filled with engagements. Yes, she regrets it very 
much. Yes, she u in constant demand. Oh, not at 
all. Good-hy. {comes down to table c, looks at 
millinery) 

Mrs. B.-S. {searching distractedly among papers 
on her deskj I hope it's nothing important. I 
don't think it can be. T never heard of that Society 
before. But of course, I don't want to antagonize 
any one. But I simply can't be everywhere at once. 
Where is that rriemorandum about that taxation 
business? I want to get it into my message. 

Miss Hilldreth. {appearing in doorway l. 2 e.) 
Mrs. Brown-Smith, if you are ready for the firial 
fitting 

Mrs. B.-S. {nervously, turning over papers) Oh, 
I haven't time to think about clothes. 

Elizabeth. Why, the idea, Ma! 

Jeanne. You've got to take time to think abort 
them. Good gracious, Ma! Clothes are the main 
thing. 

Mrs. B.-S. I must finish this message. 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 5 

Mathilde. Oh, any one of us can finish the 
message for you, Ma, but you've got to wear your 
own clothes. Now, do go along, Hke a good girl, 
and don't keep Miss Hilldreth waiting. Her time 
is valuable, you know. 

Mrs. B.-S. {nervously, rising and crossing l.) 
Now don't touch one of those papers. 

{Exeunt Miss Hilldreth and Mrs. B.-S. l. 2 e. 
Telephone rings. Elizabeth moves to answer 
it.) 

Jeanne. Don't call Ma, whoever it is. We can't 
pay a dress-maker three dollars a day to be sitting 
around waiting for Ma to stand off job-chasers. 

Elizabeth, {at 'phone) Hello. Mrs. Brown- 
Smith? No, she isn't here just at present. No, she 
won't be here for some time. Isn't this Mrs. 
Jackson talking? Oh, yes. Your sister's applica- 
tion? Yes, I presume she has it. Oh, yes, I'm 
sure she would be glad to give her a place if she can, 
but 

Mathilde. Oh, choke her off, 'Liz'beth. Ma 
can't furnish jobs for everybody's poor relations. 
She's got enough of her own. 

Elizabeth, {at 'phone) Yes, I'll tell her. Yes, 
I know she'll be very glad — Yes, she will do what 
she can I know. Yes — I'll have to ask you to ex- 
cuse me — Yes — Yes — If you'll excuse me — 
Yes — Yes — I will. Good-hy. {hangs up) 
Well, of all the persistent creatures ! 

Mathilde. The nerve of her, asking for the 
secretaryship ! She might know that Ma would ap- 
point one of us. 

Jeanne. It sems to me I've read somevv'here 
about there being some law against people in office 
employing their relations. 



6 WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

Mathilde. (energetically). Well, if there is, Ma 
will have to repeal it, that's all. The idea! How 
could Ma act as Mayor without one of us to tell her 
what to do ? 

Tommy, {breathlessly, poking head in l. 2 e.) 
Ma! Aunt Jane's coming, (exit) 

Girls, {simultaneously, going through pantomime 
of dismay) Aunt Jane! 

Jeanne. What on earth 

Mathilde. Of all people ! And just at this time! 

Elizabeth, {crossing to l. 2 e.) S-s-sh! 
{aloud) Why, Aunt Jane! How do you do? 

{Enter Aunt Jane l. 2 e., followed by Tommy, 
each dragging a good-sized telescope basket, 
Aunt Jane's having attached to handle by 
string a hat done up in paper. Aunt Jane is 
gray-haired and seventy and must wear a suit 
of style of ten or fifteen years ago, showing 
wear, and a hat or bonnet showing signs of 
having been " made over " several times. She 
must wear black cotton gloves and otherwise 
look as if she zvere from the country.) 

Jeanne, {kissing her) Why, Aunt Jane! You 
didn't carry that heavy basket ? 

Mathilde. {crossing l.) Why didn't you put 
everything in a trunk and just check it through? 
{kisses her) 

Aunt Jane, {dragging Tommy's basket to 
center) I had to pack 'em separate, because these 
here are eatables, {stoops to unstrap it) 

Girls, {in chorus) Eatables! 

Tommy, {darting toward it) I'll unstrap it, 
Aunt Jane, {sets to work) 

Aunt Jane. Yes, I knew 't your mother was to 
take office Monday, and I know how it is when 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 7 

there's a funeral or anything out of the ordinary 
happens that way in a house, folks don't have time 
to cook as they ought to, and there's nothing will 
get the stomach out o' kelter quicker than eatin' 
scrap meals. So I baked up a half dozen mince 
pies. (Tommy has cover cff of hisket and she 
takes them out and sets on table, also other articles 
as she names them) I'd have made some berry 
pies, only I was afraid of their runnin' out. And 
here's a boiled ham. {articles can he done up in 
napkins or white paper so as not to show, if neces- 
sary) That's just about as good a stand-by as 
anything when it comes to cold victuals. And then 
I fried up a couple o' pound o' sausage. They're 
real tasty, especially when you have your own 
garden sage to season 'em wnth. 

Jeanne, {snatching up her millinery work and 
going through pantomime of dismay) Tell Nora 
to come and get these things. Mathilde. You really 
shouldn't have gone to all this trouble, Aunt Jane. 
{exit Mathilde r. 3 e.) 

(Tommy takes paper bag from basket, peers into it, 
draws out cooky and eats.) 

Aunt Jane. Oh, 'twan't any particular trouble. 
Yes, I made those cookies specially for you, Tommy, 
but you'd better not eat them all at one clip. 

Mathilde. {re-entering r. 3 e.) I forgot this 
was Nora's afternoon off. I'll carry them out. {she 
and Elizabeth begin to carry out things r. 3 e. 
Tommy saunters otit r. 3 e. with bag of cookies) 

{Enter Mrs. E.-S. l. 2 e., dressed in handso:ne 
gown.) 

Mrs. B.-S. {looking down at dress as she comes 



8 WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

in and picking thread off of sleeve) What do you 
think of it, girls? {looks up, stops transfixed) 
Why, Aunt Jane ! 

Aunt Jane, (pausing in the business of un- 
wrapping paper from loaf of frosted cake) My, 
Sary Ann! Is that your coronation gown? Turn 
round slow. (Mrs. B.-S. revolves) My! It's too 
bad you was short o' goods. It would be real elegant 
if there was enough to it. (moves nearer to her. 
Stops suddenly, looking at cake) There! I guess 
I better not get too close. This frostin's kinda 
sticky, I see, after all. I made it in a terrible hurry. 

Elizabeth, (holding ham aloft) Aunt Jane 
brought provisions enough to last a week. 

Aunt Jane. Yes, as I sez to Mis. Haskell, time 
old man Slocum died, " Folks come to sympathize," 
sez I, " but they stay to eat." And 'tis so. You see, 
they had to delay the fun'ral, on account of one of 
the boys' comin' from Texas, and I declare, the 
sympathizers pretty near et Mis. Slocum out of 
house and home before they finally did get the old 
man buried. 

Jeanne, (laughing) Well, of course, this isn't 
exactly a fimeral. Aunt Jane. 

Aunt Jane. No, but it's on the same order for 
upsettin' things. 

Jeanne, (examining Mrs. B.-S.'s dress) That 
gown is simply swell. Ma. There's some class to 
that. 

Mathilde. Nobody can say that you are not well 
groomed, at any rate. 

Aunt Jane. It's queer how they've took to 
groomin' folks lately, ain't it? It used to be that 
only horses was groomed. 

Mrs. B.-S. Well, if everything is satisfactory, 
I'll take the thing off. I must get back to my work. 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 9 

Girls, make Aunt Jane comfortable, won't you. FU 
be back in a moment, Aunt Jane. (Exit l. 2 e.) 

Elizabeth, (who has been passing in and out 
R. 3 E., with things, re-entering) What has become 
of Nora? 

Mathilde. Why, I told you she wanted the 
afternoon off, and Ma let her go. You know we 
have to handle Nora with gloves now. 

Elizabeth. The wretch! When she knows how 
busy we are. 

Aunt Jane, (taking off hat and coat) Now, 
don't you worry a bit, girls. I wore my second-best 
dress a-purpose so that I could just roll up my 
sleeves and pitch in, if it was necessary, without 
feeling skittish about spoilin' my clothes. 

Jeanne, (taking her hat and coat) Oh, that 
won't be at all necessary, Aunt Jane. Just sit down 
and make yourself comfortable. Tommy can an- 
swer the door, and Nora will be back in time to get 
dinner. Tommy, come and take i\unt Jane's basket 
up-stairs. 

(Aunt Jane sits l. c.) 

Tommy, (entering r. 3 e., munching cooky and 
cramming others into his pocket) I ain't agoing to 
hang around all day to answer the bell for a lot o' 
job-chasers. I gotta go over to Hill's back lot to 
practice. 

Elizabeth. Practice what? 

Tommy. Pitchin', o' course. We gotta game 
against the Roarin' Reds next Sat'day. 

Elizabeth, (severely) Well, you'll not prac- 
tice any base ball to-day. You'll stay right here 
and attend the door. The idea of the only gentle- 
man in the family deserting us just when we need 
his services so badly. 



10 WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

Tommy, (dragging basket slowly toward l. 2 e.) 
What's the use o' bein' the only gen'leman in the 
family when you all 'a' got the vote? (pauses in 
doorway) Say, who's Ma goin' to put in for supe, 
any way ? 

Mathilde. Superintendent of Schools? She 
hasn't decided yet. 

Tommy. Well, she needn't go and run in any old 
hen on us, I can tell you that. Us boys won't stand 
for it. 

Mathilde and Jeanne. {simultaneously) 
Tommy ! 

Elizabeth. Thomas Reynoldson Brown-Smith! 
I'm amazed at you. (Tommy darts out l. 2 e.) 

Elizabeth, (crossing to l. 2 e. and calling after 
him) Tommy! Tommy! Remember, you are to 
answer the bell if it rings ; and Tommy, don't bring 
any one in here without coming first and telling us 
who it is. Do you hear? 

Tommy, (voice in distance) Yes, I hear. 

Aunt Jane, (fumbling in bag for spectacles) 
If you've got any darnin' or mendin' you want done, 
girls, just get it out. (takes out spectacles and pol- 
ishes them with handkerchief) 

Mathilde. (at desk) Oh, we are too busy with 
official business to think of darning or mending, 
Aunt Jane. 

(Elizabeth and Jeanne must adjust themselves 
suitably, Jeanne returning to her millinery, 
Elizabeth perhaps standing at table looking 
over materials.) 

Aunt Jane, (putting on spectacles and drawing 
crocheting from bag) Well, I'll go on with my 
crochet, then. I always carry it with me, for it's the 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE ii 

hardest work in the world for me to sit and hold my 
hands. 

Tommy, (poking his head in l. 2 e.) Mrs. 
Thatcher and Mrs. Weston are coming up the steps. 
(bell rings) 

Matiiilde. Well, show them in here. Elizabeth, 
you might tell Ma. (exeunt Tommy l. 2 e., Eliza- 
beth R. 3 E.) 

Jeanne, (gathering up millinery hastily) They 
mustn't see this home-made millinery, (exit hastily 
R. 3 E.) 

(Enter Mrs. Thatcher and Mrs. W^eston l. 2 e., 
dressed very richly. 

Mathilde. So glad to see you. Mrs. Thatcher 
and Mrs. Weston of the Celerity Club, Aunt Jane. 
Mother's aunt, Miss Brown, of Brownsville, ladies. 

Aunt Jane. Howdy do? Howdy do? (Shakes 
hands with each) 

Mrs. Thatcher. (As they seat themselves) 
You came down for the inauguration, I suppose, 
Miss Brown? 

Aunt Jane. Yes'm. This ii the first time any- 
body in our family ever got elected to anything as 
far back as I can remember, so I thought 'twas wuth 
coming to. Now that I speak of it, though, it kinda 
runs in my head that old Uncle Simeon Brown did 
get to be constable once. I believe he did. He was 
always runnin' for something. 

(Enter AIrs. B.-S. l. 2 e.) 

Mrs. B.-S. Oh, Mrs. Thatcher! So glad to see 
you. And Mrs. W^eston, too. (Shakes hands and 
crosses to desk r.) I'm just working on my Mes- 
sage, and I shall be so glad to have your suggestions. 



1.2 WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

Mrs. Thatcher. Hem! (moves chair closer to 
desk) Yes, certainly, but just now it seems as if 
the most important matter was the, er, appointments. 

Mrs. B.-S. (faintly) Oh, yes. 

Mrs. Thatcher, (taking list from her bag and 
adjusting her lorgnette) Of course, the Celerity 
Club is not expecting you to give us all the offices. 
We understand that you have other obligations. 

Mrs. Weston. Tho' naturally, those obligations 
would be less than to your own Club, whose mem- 
bers worked for you to a man; — that is, of course, 
to a woman. 

Mrs. B.-S. Yes, yes, certainly, I, er, appreciate, 
er 

Mrs. Thatcher. But, as I say, we propose to be 
reasonable. That's one thing that the Celerity Club 
has always stood for, especially during my adminis- 
trations : reasonableness and moderation. Now, all 
that we want (adjusting lorgnette and reading from 
list) are the Police Commissioners, the Fire Com- 
missioners, the Board of Public Works, Commis- 
sioners of Public Health and Safety, Playground 
Commissioners, the Board of Health and the Board 
of Education, (folds list) As you see, we're not 
asking for any of the minor offices at all. 

Mrs. Weston, (remindingly) And about any 
new commissions that might be formed, Mrs. 
Thatcher — You know we spoke of that. 

Mrs. Thatcher. Oh, yes. In the event of any 
new Commissions being created, Mrs. Brown- Smith, 
the Celerity Club would naturally expect a major 
representation on them. 

Mrs. B.-S. (nervously) You understand that I 
am a member of the Cerulean and Busy Bee Clubs, 
also, and naturally 

Mrs. Thatcher. (grandly) Naturally you 
would give them some of the minor offices, certainly. 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 13 

(unfolds another paper) Now, here is the list of 
Commissioners we have prepared, (adjusts her 
lorgnette and prepares to read) 

Tommy, (excitedly, poking head in l. 2 e.) 
Say, Ma, old Mugdub Parker just got off the car at 
the corner. He's headed fer here, all right. 

Mathilde. (explaining) Parker, the School 
Superintendent. 

Mrs, Thatcher, (energetically) Thank heaven 
we can oust him at last. The way that man has 
refused to get out of office 

Mrs. Weston. It's perfectly scandalous. 

Mrs. B.-S. I can't see him now. Tell him I 
can't possibly see him, Tommy. 

Tommy. Aw! That won't phase Mugdub. He'll 
sit in the hall and wait. 

Mathilde. Well, don't answer the bell, Tommy. 
We can't be bothered with him. 

Tommy. That won't cut any figure neither. 
He'll go round the back way. (bell rings. They 
stare at each other) 

Tommy, (with sudden inspiration) I'll sic the 
dog on him. (rushes out) 

Mrs. B.-S. (starting up, calling) Thomas! 

Mathilda, (rushing to l. 2 e.) Tom-mee! 

(Sound of door slamming and dog harking.) 

Mathilde. (rushing to window r.) Oh, dear! 
Ha, ha, ha! Oh, poor Mr. Parker! Ha, ha, ha! 
(ladies crozvd around window laughing) 

Aunt Jane, (standing peering over her specta- 
cles, crocheting in hand) Well, at any rate, he can 
move when he's made to. 

Mrs. Thatcher. (as all re-seat themselves) 
Well, he will certainly move out of office if / have 
any voice in the matter; and a lot of other old fix- 



14 WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

tures besides. Now, this list, Mrs. Brown-Smith — 
{takes up list) 

Tommy, {bursting in l, i e., breathlessly) Say, 
Ma, Mrs. Carter and another lady got in the side 
door while I was chasin' old Mug. 

Mrs. Thatcher, {rising hastily) Mrs. Carter! 
Can't we retire to another room, Mrs. Brown- 
Smith? These appointments should be fixed up 
without delay. 

Mrs. B.-S. {rising) Yes, certainly, Ma- 
thilde 

Mathilde. {throwing open door r. 3 e.) This 
way, ladies. Tommy, shut that door a minute. 
Hurry, Ma. (Tommy closes door l. 2 e., exeunt 
Mrs. Thatcher, Mrs. Weston, Mrs. B.-S. and 
Mathilde precipitately r. 3 e.) 

{Knock at door l. 2 e. Tommy opens it and Mrs. 
Carter enters, followed by Mrs. Jurgens. 
Exit Tommy. Mrs. Carter is an extremely 
nervous little woman, with quick, jerky man- 
ner of speaking, is dressed for street, carrying 
veil, gloves, bag, and perhaps little package. 
Drops one or other of them frequently, and 
must go through other appropriate " business " 
to sustain the character during her long 
speeches.) 

Mrs. Carter, {advancing) Why, how do you 
do. Miss Brown? {they shake hands) My friend 
Mrs. Jurgens, Miss Brown. I just ran in the side 
door same as usual. I knew Sarah wouldn't care. 

Aunt Jane. Who has shaken hands with Mrs. 
Jurgens during this) Take seats, won't you? 

(Mrs. Jergens sits in Jeanne's chair little up c. 
Aunt Jane l. c, Mrs. Carter l.) 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 15 

Mrs. Carter. I thought I saw you come in, but 
I wa'n't real sure of it ; there's so many running here 
now since Sarah was elected Mayor. My land! I 
should think she'd be crazy with all the confusion. 
{door R. 3 E. opens slightly) 

Aunt Jane. She does seem real nervous and 
wore out. 

Mrs. Carter, {signaling surreptitiously to Mrs. 
JuRGENS to look toward R. 3 e.) I should think she 
would, with everybody she knows either wantin' a 
job, or trying to tell her how to run her own job. 

{Door R. 3 E. opens little further, Aunt Jane counts 
her stitches, Mrs. Carter motions still more 
vigorously to Mrs. Jurgens, nodding toward 
r. 3 E., Mrs. Jurgens makes nervous attempt 
to shift her position, watching Aunt Jane 
timidly the while) 

Mrs. Carter, {while this is going on) I told 
Emily I didn't know as it was any use to come over, 
for I saw Marcia Thatcher goin' in here an hour or 
more ago, and I hadn't seen her go out, and as I 
says, " If Marcia Thatcher's got the field," says I, 
'' you know what to expect." 

Aunt Jane, {mildly, looking up) You ladies 
in politics? (Mrs. Jurgens whirls about nervously 
without being able to see through r. 3 e.) 

Mrs. Carter. No, we are not. At least, Fm not, 
Mrs. Jurgens' husband being Chief of Police, of 
course she has to be, to a certain extent. 

Aunt Jane, {turning to Mrs. Jurgens) Your 
husband's Chief of Police, is he? 

Mrs. Carter, {who has been twisting and strain- 
ing furtively to see through r. 3 e., catching sight of 
telephone) Excuse me, I want to look at your tele- 
phone book a minute, {goes up, takes telephone di- 



i6 WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

dectory, dropping gloves as she does so, but does not 
look at book. Instead, tzvists and maneuvers, peer- 
ing eagerly through widening crack of door n. 3 e. 
Door is shut suddenly. Mrs. C. nods in triumph, 
returns hook to hook, sees gloves, picks them up, 
crosses r. and comes down) 

Mrs. JuRGENs. {during this pantomime) Yes'm. 
Of course, it's not just on account of my husband's 
losing his job that I don't hke the idea of a woman 
being Ghief, but 

Mrs. Carter, {conung down r. c.) If women 
was any different from men, you might do some- 
thing; but they ain't a particle. There's just as 
many bosses among women as there are among 
men. And when it comes right down to it, if I've 
got to be bossed at all, I'd rather be bossed by a 
man than a woman, any day. {during this she 
stands dozvn c. trying to put on her gloves and find- 
ing the fingers are wrong side out, turns them, 
stretching them and shaking them out, etc., while 
she talks) 

Mrs. Jurgens. That's what I've always said. 

Mrs. Carter. Now, of course, it's none of my 
business — that is, in one way it ain't and in another 
way it is, seeing that I'm a voter — but everybody 
that knows anything at all knows that Marcia 
Thatcher is a regular boss. I don't know how she 
was as a girl, because I didn't know her then, but 
she's bossed her husband ever since they were mar- 
ried ; and as far as the Celerity Club's concerned, 
why the Celerity Club is Marcia Thatcher. She's 
the whole thing. That's the reason I got out of it. 
I just couldn't stand it. No matter who's president, 
she rules. And of course, I wouldn't say it to every- 
body, but there's a lot of talk going round, and as 
far as I can hear and, hem ! see, I must say that it 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 17 

does look as if she was goin' to rule the Mayor's 
office too. 

Aunt Jane. The Brown family ain't much given 
to lettin' other folks rUn 'em, Miss Carter. 

Mrs. Carter, (still working with gloves, and 
finally drawing them on) Well, I don't know. 
Sarah's been bossed so long by her children that she 
ain't as strong as she might be. You know it kind of 
takes the snap out of you to have your children start 
in to rule you when they ain't got beyond spanking 
age, as you m.ight say. I know how it is myself, and 
of course, I'm not blaming Sarah so much ; though 
I must say, as far as the principle's concerned, I 
don't see as there's much difference between these 
back-room saloon conferences that they talk about 
the men politicians havin', and an executive session 
o' women politicians in the kitchen. It's all the 
same in the long rUn. It ain't so much zvhere the 
bosses get in their work as it is that they get it in. 
Com.e on, Ernily, we might as well be goin'. There 
ain't a mite o' use of hanging 'round here as long as 
Marcia Thatcher's got the field. 

Good-hy, Miss Brown, {shakes hands with Miss 
Brown) Now, 3^ou run in real often while you're 
here. And don't think that I've got anything per- 
sonal against Sarah. Land o' love ! We've been 
neighbors for twenty years, and it would take more 
than politics to turn me against Sarah. Besides, I 
ain't in politics. That's the reason I'm free to 
speak my mind. And I will say, just as I've said 
right along, that you take it by and large, there 
ain't any difference between men and women when 
they've got an axe to grind. Not a bit. Come, 
Emily, if we're going to match that silk, we'd bet- 
ter get started. 

(During this last, Mrs. Jurgens shakes hands with 



i8 WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

Aunt Jane and now follows Mrs. Carter out 

L. 2 E.) 

Aunt Jane, (staring after them) Well, I de- 
clare, Mrs. Carter's just as wound up as ever. 
Seems like anybody that can talk as fast and as 
steady as that ought to take to the stump. 

(Enter Mrs. B.-S. caiitiously r. 3 e.) 

Mrs. B.-S. Mrs. Carter gone? (comes down 
and sits at desk) 

Aunt Jane. Yes. She had the Chief of Police's 
wife with her. Where's Mrs. Thatcher and her 
friend? 

Mrs. B.-S. They went out the back way. 

Aunt Jane. My land, Sary Ann! I wouldn't 
take to sneaking folks out the back way, whatever I 
did. 

Mrs. B.-S. (wearily) They didn't want an en- 
counter with Mrs. Carter. Aunt Jane, if this keeps 
up, I shall never live to take office ; never, (swings 
about, puts elbows on desk and head in hands) 

(Enter Tommy l. 2 e.) 

Tommy. Here's Mrs. Norman, Ma, and here's a 
note the boy says has got to have an answer right 
away, (hands her note) 

(Enter Mrs. Norman l. 2 e. She is shabby and a 
little hesitating in manner) 

Mrs. B.-S. (advancing to meet her) Why, how 
do you do, Annie? You remember Aunt Jane, of 
course? It's Annie Norman, Aunt Jane, (they 
shake hands) 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 19 

Mrs. B.-S. Sit down, Annie, and excuse me just 
a moment, please, till I see what this is. {She opens 
note while Mrs. Norman seats herself down l. 
Reads) Dear Mrs. Brown-Smith : The dedication 
of the Carrington Infants' Home will have to be 
held on the nth instead of the i8th as we had 
planned, on account of Mrs. Carrington's being 
called unexpectedly to the East. I do hope the 
change won't prevent your being with us. Please 
answer by bearer, as we are counting so much on 
your address. Yours anxiously, 

Mary Huntington, Chairman. 

Mrs. B.-S. {turning to Mathilde, who has come 
in dvirlng the reading, bowed to Mrs. Norman, and 
stands at her own desk listening) The nth. Is 
there anything special for the nth, Mathilde? {Sits 
at desk) 

Mathilde. {picking up memorandum hook and 
turning pages) The nth? \Nt\\,l guess, {reads) 
" See French Commissioners off 8 : 30 A. M., Wel- 
come B and A Delegates 9 : 30, Job Chasers 10 to n, 
Review Parade of G. & G. n : 30, Common Weal 
Club Luncheon 12:30, Dedication Humane Foun- 
tain 2, Opening C. C. & M. Club 3, ..Board Meeting 
4 to 5, Job Chasers 5 to 6, Banquet R. A. G. U'S 
7: 30. {closes hook) You can't get it in. Ma. 

Mrs. B.-S. Well, write her to that effect and I 
will sign it. (Mathilde writes note) 

Mrs. Norman. Gracious, Sarah! I don't envy 
you bein' mayor. 

Mrs. B.-S. Envy me ! I deserve the pity of my 
bitterest enemy. 

Mrs. Norman. It's not only having to run around 
to these banquets and dedications and things, but I 
suppose everybody and their relations are after you 
for a job. 



20. WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

Mrs. B.-S. (signing note and giving it to 
Tommy who goes out with it l. 2 e.) My dear, I 
didn't suppose it was possible for such a diversity of 
people to be so absolutely qualified for the same 
identical job as there seems to be, according to their 
friends. 

Mrs. Norman, (plucking uneasily at her dress 
and showing other signs of nervousness) I know, 
folks will say anything; and I'm just as bad as the 
rest. I've come about Sister Liza's husband, Jim 
Romaine. You know, he's been in the Tax Col- 
lector's office goin' on ten years now, and my land, 
Sarah ! He's just got to be kept there, if there's any 
way of doin' it. He ain't fit for anything else. You 
see, he's the kind of a man that if anybody'd set him 
right down to a job, he'd do it just as faithful as he 
knew how. He's jest as steady as an old horse ; but 
he's that kind that 'ud never get anything in King- 
dom Come if he had to rustle for it himself. It ain't 
in him. He ain't got a particle of get up, and never 
did have; and of course, he's gettin' older all the 
time. 

Mrs. B.-S. Of course, you understand, 
Annie 

Mrs. Norman. (interrupting hurriedly) I 
know how it is, and I just hate to pester you, Sarah, 
but I ain't runnin' after any big office, and this 
here's a matter of life or death, as you might say. 
(sits on edge of chair and twists her hands still 
more nervously) You know Laura's husband's 
been out o' work for nearly a year now. We've got 
them on our hands, and now if Jim gets out and we 
have to be puttin' our hands in our pockets to help 
them, too ! — And the way times are ! — Well, we'd 
just have to give up, that's all. We'd just simply 
all land in the Poorhouse. 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 21 

Tommy, (appearing l. 2 e.) Ma, the massage 
lady's here. 

Mathilde. (rising hastily and looking at her 
zvatch) Gracious! Ma, it's after live o'clock. You 
must go right away. You will excuse her, won't 
you, Mrs. Norman? The banquet's at seven. Ma. 
You haven't a moment to lose. 

Mrs. B.-S. I'll make a note of Mr. Romaine, 
Annie, (scrawls: "Jim Romaine, Tax Collector's 
Office. Annie Norman '.') 

Mathilde. You must come, Ma. 

Mrs. B.-S. (rising and gently pushed by Ma- 
thilde tozvard l. 2 e.) I'll do what I can, Annie. 

Mrs. Norman. (nervously, rising) There's 
never been any complaint about him. He does his 
work right. 

Mrs. B.-S. (at l. 2 e.) Yes, yes. Don't hurry, 
Annie. Stay and visit with Aunt Jane. I'm 
sorry- 



Mathilde. (pushing her out) Mrs. Norman 
will excuse us. Ma has so much on her hands, you 
know, Mrs. Norman, (exit l. 2 E.) 

Mrs. Norman. (staring after them) My! 
Sarah's broke terrible, hasn't she, just in these few 
weeks? I don't know how she's goin' to stand it 
when she really gets to be Mayor. But I suppose 
she can afford to keep massaged up so it won't show 
so plain. There's a good deal in that. (sighs 
deeply) Well, I do hope she can keep Jim in his 
place. Land knows, livin's hard enough, just for 
yourselves, let alone having to think about your re- 
lations, (moves toward l. 2 e. Aunt Jane rises) 
Don't get up, Miss Brown. I can find my way out. 

Aunt Jane, (laying work and bag on table and 
following her) I'd just as lieve stir 'round a little. 
I ain't used to settin' and holdin' my hands. 
(exeunt l. 2 e.) 



23 WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

{Re-enter Aunt Jane l. 2 e. She goes to table and 
puts work and spectacles in hag.) 

Tommy, {entering l. 2 e.) Nora says dinner's 
ready, Aunt Jane, and Ma says will you please ex- 
cuse her and the girls, because they have to go to the 
banquet. And say. Aunt Jane, you tell Nora you'll 
cut the pie, will you, and give me a good big piece. 
I hate these dinky little — {exeunt l. 2 e.) 

{Lights lower.) 

{Re-enter Elizabeth in evening dress and coat. 
She turns on the lights. Lights up.) 

Elizabeth, {calling) Come on in here, Ma, 
and let's see if you are all right. 

{Enter Mrs. B.-S. in evening gown, followed by 
Mathilde and Jeanne in same, and Aunt 
Jane with Mrs. B.-S.'s coat over her arm.) 

Elizabeth. Let's see if you are all right. Ma. 
{girls cluster around her, adjusting drapery or trim- 
ming of dress, ornaments in hair, etc. Aunt Jane 
looks on interestedly. Sound of motor outside) 

Jeanne, {snatching coat from Aunt Jane and 
putting it on her mother) There's the car now. 
You're all right, Ma. You look perfectly swell. 

Mathilde. {adjusting scarf over her head) 
Now, you know what you're going to say. Ma? 

Mrs. B.-S. {nervously) Yes, yes. 

Elizabeth. Don't go in too strong on Woman 
Suffrage, Ma. You know— — 

Mathilde. And don't try to quote anything. 
Ma. You know you always get mixed up. 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 23 

Jeanne, (a^ l. 2 e.) Do come along. We'll be 
late yet. (exit Jeanne) 

Mrs. B.-S. (moving toward l. 2 e.) Good- 
night, Aunt Jane. Don't sit up for us. 

Elizabeth, (following her) No, don't sit up, 
Aunt Jane. And, Ma, don't try to be funny; and — 
(exeunt Mrs. B.-S. and Elizabeth l. 2 e.) 

Mathilde. (hurrying after them) And, Ma, 
don't tell any of those old-time stories about when 
you were a girl, and — (exit l. 2 e.) 

Aunt Jane, (looking after them, drawing long 
breath) Well, it's a kind of a satisfaction to be an 
old maid, after all, and be able to say your own 
say. 

(She drazvs rocking-chair down c. in front of 
table, adjusts glasses and takes up crocheting. 
Crochets for a time, yawns, hands slacken, nods 
gently, then with jerk which arouses her.) 

Aunt Jane, (straightening and gripping cro- 
cheting more firmly) I b'lieve that mince pie's lay- 
in' kind of heavy on my stomach, (crochets vigor- 
ously for awhile, then more slowly, nods gently, re- 
covers herself, nods again, recovers herself, nods 
more gently, crocheting drops from her hands, she 
leans hack in chair asleep) 

(Lights gradually lower and out.) 
CURTAIN. 



24. WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

SCENE II. 

AUNT JANE DREAMS. 

Scene : — A rostrum down r. {may he made of desk 
and table pushed together or any way con- 
venient. Chairs arranged in semi-cicle facing 
rostrum with aisle to give effect of theatre or 
public hall. If possible a gauze curtain be- 
tween rostrum and stage auditorium to give 
more visionary effect. 

Discovered at rise, Aunt Jane mounted on rostrum, 
audience seated in stage auditorium, mostly 
women, only about four men. 

Aunt Jane. Fellow citizens, I s'pose you've all 
heard that the Mayoress was struck with nervous 
prostration just after she was sworn in, so she ain't 
able to give you a speech, but bein' as I'm her near- 
est blood relative, and bein' as the folks up to 
Brownville where I live say'at they're bound to 
elect me for Mayor up there next year, why I've 
been kind of taking notes and writin' a message of 
my own, and as long as you've took the trouble to 
come out, and there ain't anybody else to make a 
speech, why, I'll give you my idees, if you like. 
{applause and laughter from stage audience and 
cries of ''go on.") 

Aunt Jane. First ofi, I'm goin' to have a law 
passed for the protection of folks that's elected to 
office. There's got to be a fund set aside to provide 
a kind of a cage with padded walls, or some arrange- 
ment that'll prevent any sound gettin' to it, where 
folks that's elected to office can lock theirselves in 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 25 

durin' the time between their election and the date 
they take office, and get away from their relations 
and job-chasers long enough to give their own ideas 
a chance to collect as to what they're goin' into 
office for. {applause and laughter from stage audi- 
ence) 

Aunt Jane. Another fund's to be set aside to 
provide a public playground big enough to contain 
a kind of a gladiators' circus, where all the folks 
that's got opposite views about how to run the 
Mayor's office can fight it out between theirselves, 
while the Mayor's in his cage, usin' what sense the 
Almighty has give him to work out his own idees. 
{applause and nods of approval from stage audi- 
ence) 

Aunt Jane. That playground bein' for the use 
of everybody, there's to be trees planted every so far 
apart, and anybody that's got any " ism " or 
*' ology " or any idee that he thinks is goin' to be 
the salvation of the world, can get a permit to orate 
under a partic'lar tree, same as they do in Boston 
Common, and all the folks that want to listen to 
that partic'lar oration can gather 'round that tree, 
and them that want the next man's idee 'round the 
next tree, and so on. And bein' out of doors, the 
hot air and cold air v/ill mingle, and nobody'll be any 
the worse, {applause from audience) 

This being a Commission form of government, in 
addition to the reg'lar Commissions, I'm going to 
advocate some new ones for the sake of the general 
health and morals of the community; such, for in- 
stance, as a Commission to see that women's hats 
are made somewhere within a reasonable approxi- 
mation of the size of their heads, so's't it won't be 
necessary to wear a bushel or so of extry false hair 
to make 'em fit, and women needn't take up more'n 
their share o' room in the street cars. 



2$ WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 

(Great applause from men in audience, one spring- 
ing up and throwing up his hat, another waving 
handkerchief. Women ushers rush down and 
crush them into their seats, women glower and 
threaten them.) 

Aunt Jane. A Commission to see that men give 
their wives half their salaries each month, so's't the 
women can quit getting cash from their grocers and 
chargin' it to " Sundries " in the monthly account. 

( Women in stage audience applaud vigorously, wave 
handkerchiefs, etc. Men shrink dejectedly in 
their seats.) 

Aunt Jane. A Commission to see that women's 
clothes are made so that they can hook them up 
theirselves, or else pay a fine to the fund for over- 
worked husbands. 

(Men in audience spring up, wave hats and hand- 
kerchiefs, cheer, and otherwise ^ express their 
delight. Women ushers rush down, run one 
man out, the women in audience crush others 
into their seats, scowl, threaten them with their 
parasols, etc.) 

Aunt Jane. I ain't got them all just fixed in my 
mind yet, but there's one that I think is probably 
the most important of all, and the one that will do 
the most good, and that is the Commission to in- 
vestigate watered incomes. To see that folks live 
down to what they've actually got, and not up to 
what other folks think they've got. 

( The whole audience rises in revolt, men and women 



WHEN MA TOOK OFFICE 2^ 

hiss, shake their fists, canes, parasols at her, 
shout, " Recall! " " Re call I " 

Aunt Jane, (above the tumult) The band will 
now play " My Country 'tis of Thee, Sweet Land of 
Liberty," to wind up. 

{Orchestra plays ''America" , stage audience dis- 
perses, shaking their heads threateningly at 
Aunt Jane, lights gradually lower and out. 
Music continues to play softly.) 

CURTAIN. 

(Music continues to play softly, curtain rises, dis- 
covering Aunt Jane asleep in rocking-chair in 
front of table. Music dies away.) 

Aunt Jane, (rousing with start and staring 
around her) I declare! I b'lieve I dozed off. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

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